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Monday, January 19, 2009

♥ Yes or no?

It's scary. Even though I know I have to decide soon, I still can't figure out what I should do. The situation is out of my control. Things keep on piling up so fast, I feel like my world's spinning and spinning... and I don't know how to stop it. I want to escape, but I can't. It's too late to run. I can't pass everything off as a joke anymore. I can't pretend I don't know what's going on. Everyone is already aware that I know and they are expecting my answer, pressuring me to answer, in fact. And though I want to give them what they're asking of me (because I want it myself), I don't know what, or how to choose.

If I say yes, this fiasco will end for sure. But I won't have my peace, not when saying yes means I'm committing myself to something I'm quite sure I'm not ready for. If I say no, there will be people who'd get hurt, including me, I think. And I don't have the courage to hurt, especially not that person, not again.

I can't stay undecided for too long. I don't want to drag this out more than I have to. But god. I just wish I was a better person, someone able to handle all these. I wish someone would just tell me what to choose. I wish I could go back to the past, undo everything, so I won't have to go through this. I wish I could be more honest, both with myself and with that person.

Maybe, regret is inevitable, whichever I decide on. There won't be an answer where everything ends well, where everyone is happy. And maybe, the real question is, who do I choose to be happy? Me or... everyone else.

Then I guess, I'd soon find out how selfish I could be.

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10:44:00 PM

♥ The Grumpy Toast ♥

    The Grumpy Toast is very grumpy. Beware, this toast bites.

♥ Lies ♥

    I'm sorry.
    Everything's gonna be okay.
    Love makes the world go round.

♥ Horoscopes ♥

    And if you can't feel confident, then just fake it until you do! If you can convince yourself of your value, then other people will be convinced of it, too.
    You have some serious strength that you still haven't tapped into, and today's challenges will finally give you a chance to discover it for yourself.
    Stop chasing and let yourself be chased.
    There is no time like the present to get started on your future!
    You should be more deliberate about figuring out where you want to go, what you want to do, and who you want to do it with.
    Because if you show the people in power that you are not only out for yourself, you can make a very good impression.
    You simply cannot afford to let popular opinion shape even a single one of your decisions -- it may seem harmless to do something just to make everyone else happy, but in the end it will put you in uncomfortable, false situations. Being popular is not worth sacrificing your independent thinking or your goals. So do what you want to do -- push as hard as you want and ignore what other people think. You have to stay true to your idealistic nature.

♥ TagBoard ♥

    The toast said TAG. NOT spam.

♥ Thank you ♥

    A grumpy thanks to
  • Jasmine
  • for creating the grumpiest layout The Grumpy Toast has ever seen. Kudos!
    the toast's head
    for having the ability to write things that The Grumpy Toast wants to write and blessedly, in an understandable way.
    for giving the toast reasons to be grumpy so the toast can write on the toast's blog.
    The Grumpy Toast's friends
    for making the toast's life everyday grumpy (weeee).
    for reading The Grumpy Toast's blog even though it's full of grumpy nothings about the toast's life.

♥ Past Rawr-ing ♥